Pastoring Broken Hearts:
A Guide to Providing Comfort in Times of Loss
Grief enters the lives of your congregation like a storm. It can be sudden, powerful, and disorienting. It could be the sudden termination of employment, the loss of a loved one, or the death of a dream. In those moments, people often turn to you for comfort and guidance - and that weight can be heavy at times. This guide is designed to provide biblical encouragement and practical resources to help you comfort the grieving while also caring for your own spirit.
Ministry to the Grieving: Comforting the Saints in Their Sorrow
1. Be Present Before Being Profound
"Weep with them that weep." Romans 12:15 (KJV)
Ministry begins with presence. Before quoting Scripture or offering counsel, take time to sit with the grieving in their sorrow. This may mean simply showing up at their home, standing quietly beside them at the casket, or being available after the crowd has gone. A gentle hand on the shoulder, a prayer whispered in the Spirit, or just being a calm, steady presence can minister more deeply than any words. Let them feel seen and held before they are taught or guided.
Sometimes grief makes it difficult to find words. If you and the person you are comforting are both sitting in silence, that is okay. It can often feel as if we are being insufficient when we are at a loss for words. However, when a person is in the midst of deep mourning, a still, quiet presence can be more healing than an abundance of words. Job's friends were most helpful when they sat in silence and wept with Job.
"When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great." Job 2:12-13 (NASB)
2. Offer Scripture with Sensitivity
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Proverbs 25:11 (KJV)
Bring the Word as healing balm, not a quick fix. Use Scripture gently, led by the Spirit. Sometimes a verse softly spoken or written in a card can bring deep comfort. Others may need to hear it prayed over them rather than preached at them. Be mindful of timing—grief opens the soul, but it is also tender.
3. Encourage Lament as Worship
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4 (KJV)
Teach your people that crying out to God is not weakness but worship. Share examples from Scripture where David and Jeremiah expressed deep sorrow before the Father. Even Jesus wept at the death of his friend and the grief that his community was experiencing. Encourage saints to write their own psalms, speak their grief aloud in prayer, or bring their tears to the altar.
4. Remember that You Don't Have to Have All the Answers
Remind your congregation—and yourself—that it's okay not to have answers. Many grieving people will ask "Why did this happen?" or "Where was God?" It's more healing to listen, to hold space, and to point them gently to the God who welcomes our questions—even when He doesn’t give immediate answers. Your example of steadfastness and love will go a long way.
When people are in the midst of sorrow, they mostly need a safe person who can handle the intense questions without being shaken. Once the intense emotions have passed, people will be better able to hear explanations of God's goodness and sovereignty.
5. Provide Practical Tools
Encourage trusted lay leaders to assist in follow-up care, ensuring no one grieves alone. Train the leaders to offer practical, tangible help (e.g., "Would you like a meal or some help organizing the memorial service?"), rather than giving vague offers for assistance (e.g., "Let me know if you need anything."). Grief often makes it difficult for the mourning person to know how to reach out for help or what to ask for.
Handwrite cards with verses on hope, loss, and eternal life to offer encouragement and comfort.
Organize grief support groups in your church where saints can process loss in community, sharing testimonies and praying for one another.
The Care of the Shepherd: Guarding Your Own Soul in the Midst of Others' Pain
1. Admit the Weight
Grieving with your flock is a sacred burden. It is okay to acknowledge that pastoral grief is real. You carry not only your own emotions but the collective sorrow of others. Give yourself permission to grieve, to feel tired, and to need ministry too.
2. Practice Spirit-Led Self-Care
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (NASB)
Don’t neglect the altar of your own prayer life. Make time for personal, unstructured prayer. You are carrying the weight of other people’s burdens and likely dealing with your own grief. Jesus cares about you deeply and wants to not only minister through you - He wants to minister to you, comforting the depths of your soul.
Allow time for the Holy Ghost to pour into you, even if that means pulling back from certain responsibilities briefly. Listen to worship, journal Scripture, walk in nature, and protect your personal time of rest.
3. Seek Fellowship and Covering
“Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NASB)
Confide in trusted elders or fellow ministers. Schedule regular check-ins with a spiritual mentor. Don’t allow yourself to carry burdens in silence—wise counsel is a gift from God.
Join or create a small circle of pastoral friends who pray for one another. You understand the weight of each other’s burdens and can lift each other up in ways that no one else can.
4. Journal Your Own Journey
Write down not just what you’re doing, but how you’re feeling. Record prayers, burdens, and the ways God meets you in grief. You can use this journaling guide to find writing prompts and scriptures to help you work through your own emotional experience and draw closer to God in the process.
Revisit your notes to reflect on the faithfulness of God over time. Our faith is strengthened when we recall God’s steadfast love and goodness, even in moments of despair.
5. Create a Pause After Ministry
And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” Mark 6:31 (NASB)
After funerals or deep counseling sessions, take time to withdraw. Whether that’s an afternoon walk, a night off, or a short retreat—create space.
Protect your sabbath. It is not a luxury, but a necessity. Jesus withdrew to desolate places not to escape the people, but to reconnect with the Father. Follow His example.
Final Words of Encouragement
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…” Isaiah 61:1 (KJV)
You are not just a pastor—you are anointed to bind up the brokenhearted . Ministering to those who are mourning is holy work.
"Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8 (NASB)
When you notice tears welling up in your eyes, know that your tears are not signs of weakness. They are signals that you care deeply. They are also signs of intercession. They move the heart of God and water seeds of healing. God sees your labor, even when no one else does. What you do in hospital rooms, funeral homes, and late-night phone calls is recorded in heaven. Our prayer is that you will sense Jesus’ comfort with you in your moments of being His hands and feet to others.
Your calling is sacred. You stand in the gap when hearts are shattered. Let the Holy Ghost sustain you. Be a comforting presence. Speak life. Weep freely. Be restored in the presence of our loving Savior.
You are not alone in the ministry of comfort.
Sincerely,
Integrity Counseling Collective.
